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mati ketawa cara rusia |
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| Author: admin | Yesterday, 22:38 | Hits: 65 |
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| Category: |
Books |
| Genre: |
Entertainment |
| Author: |
Z.Dolgopolova |
Seorang pasien rumah sakit jiwa siap untuk dipulangkan,
" Well, Vanya," ujar dokter. " Engkau sudah menjalani pengobatan di
sini. Mari kita uji sekali lagi. apakah segalanya sudah beres. Saya akan
mengambar sesuatu, engkau harus menafsirkannya."
" Gambar ini jelas sekali, " kata Vanya. "Ada sebuah kamar dengan sebuah
tempat tidur. Diatas tempat tidur itu berbaring seorang wanita."
" Baik, apa yang kau lakukan kalau kamar itu ku serahkan kepadamu?"
" Saya akan tiduri wanita itu !".
" Ah, normal itu", pikir si dokter.
" Nah, sekarang bagaimana dengan gambar ini ?", tanya dokter lagi.
"Ada dua kamar, dua ranjang, dua wanita. Mula mula saya ke kamar
pertama, kemudian ke kamar berikutnya, meniduri wanita yang satu lagi,
lalu pulang ", kata Vanya.
" Bagaimana dengan gambar ini?".
" Emapt kamar, empat ranjang, empat wanita. Saya akan memasuki kamar
demi kamar, meniduri wanita wanita itu satu demi satu, kemudian pulang."
" Baik, sekarang gambar ini."
Vanya hanya memandangi dokter itu.
" Dokter, Anda seorang seks maniak," katanya.
Seorang pria mengunjungi dokter.
"Dokter, tolonglah saya. Tiap kali saya meniduri istri saya, kami beroleh
seorang anak. Sekarang, anak kami sudah 16. Apa yang harus saya lakukan,
Dokter?"
"Engkau betul betul tolol, "kata dokter. "Mengapa tidak mengunakan kondom?"
Pria itu mengucapkan terima kasih, kemudian pulang.
Beberapa tahun kemudian, ia berjumpa dengan dokter dulu itu di tengah
jalan. Dengan riang gembira, ia menyalami dokter itu.
" Terima kasih banyak, Dokter terima kasih banyak. Nasihat anda sungguh
mujarab."
" Jadi kondom itu membantu?" tanya dokter.
" Luar biasa! Luar biasa! Kini anak kami tinggal seorang?!".
" Lho ! tinggal seorang? kemanayang 15 itu?"
" Meninggal, Dokter, Meninggal!" jawab pria itu dengan riang gembira.
" Apa maksudmu dengan meninggal? Bagaimana bisa meninggal begitu banyak?"
" Kondom itu, Dokter, kondom itu! saya memasukannya ke dalam bubur
gandum, lalu bubur itu saya makan. Tiba tiba, kondom itu keluar dari
lubangdubur, menggelembung seperti balon, lalu meledak. Lima belas anak
saya langsung mati karena ketawa tak putus-putusnya....."
Seorang
kakek suatu hari menerima surat bahwa ia berhak atas warisan dari
kerabatnya yang tinggal di Amerika. Segera setelah ia mendapat kabar
itu, beberapa petugas inteligen Rusia mendatanginya dan mengklaim hak
negara atas warisan itu. Si kakek, biasa mendapat tekanan seperti itu,
menyetujuinya dengan satu syarat: untuk satu hari semua toko di Moskow
menyediakan bawang-barang gratis. Berhubung jumlah warisan tersebut
cukup besar, pihak inteligen menyetujuinya.
Kesokan harinya semua
toko menyediakan barang gratis. Terjadi antrian panjang di mana-mana
yang akhirnya menyebabkan kegaduhan besar dan huru-hara. Banyak yang
menjadi korban akibat terinjak-injak dan terhimpit.
Dengan gusar,
petugas inteligen mendatangi kakek itu. "Lihat apa yang terjadi akibat
permintaanmu yang nyeleneh itu!" bentak mereka. Dengan kalem si kakek
menjawab, "Saya ini 'kan sudah tua. Jadi sebelum saya mati saya cuma
mau tahu bagaimana sih komunisme itu."
Seorang turis Amerika
menjumpai seorang India yang sedang enak-enakan duduk berjemur di
pantai. Si Amerika langsung menghampiri dan bertanya, “Kenapa kamu
bermalas-malasan duduk di sini dan tidak mau memancing ikan?”
Orang India tersebut balik bertanya, “Untuk apa?”
“Dengan
memancing ikan”, demikian turis Amerika itu memulai penjelasannya,
“Engkau dapat mengumpulkan uang. Uang itu sebagian dapat engkau tabung
untuk dibelikan jala; dengan begitu engkau dapat ikan lebih banyak
lagi. Engkau kumpulkan lagi untuk dibelikan kapal; kemudian engkau
kumpulkan lagi, sehingga bisa engkau dirikan pabrik pengolahan ikan.
Engkau bisa usaha sendiri, dan mendapat keuntungan berlimpah. Dari
keuntungan itu, engkau bisa berlibur dan berjemur di pinggir pantai…”
“Tuan, bukankah saya sekarang ini sudah berjemur di pinggir pantai?”
TIGA arwah negarawan abad ke-20 menghadap Tuhan dan bertanya.
''Tuhan, berapa lama lagikah bangsaku baru berbahagia?'' tanya Fitzgerald Kennedy.
''Lima puluh tahun lagi,'' sabda Tuhan.
Kennedy menangis dan berlalu.
''Tuhan berapa lama lagikah bangsaku baru berbahagia?'' tanya Charles de Gaulle.
''Seratus tahun lagi!''
De Gaulle menangis dan permisi.
''Kalau bangsaku Tuhan, kapan mereka akan berbahagia?'' tanya Joseph Stalin.
Giliran Tuhan menangis dan berlalu.
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Personal Finance & Investing All-in-One For Dummies |
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| Author: Mai Nguyen | Yesterday, 22:09 | Hits: 36 |
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Personal Finance & Investing All-in-One For Dummies
Faith Glasgow (Editor)
ISBN: 978-0-470-51510-5
Paperback
PDF
608 pages
Providing a one-stop shop for every aspect of your money management,
Personal Finance and Investing All-in-One For Dummies is the
perfect guide to getting the most from your money. This friendly guide
gives you expert advice on everything from getting the best current
account and coping with credit cards to being savvy with savings and
creating wealth with investments. It also lets you know how to save
money on tax and build up a healthy pension.
Personal Finance and Investing All-In-One For Dummies will cover:
* Organising Your Finances and Dealing with Debt
* Paying Less Tax
* Building up Savings and Investments
* Retiring Wealthy
* Your Wealth and the Next Generation |
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Hypnotherapy For Dummies |
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| Author: Mai Nguyen | Yesterday, 21:52 | Hits: 45 |
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Hypnotherapy For Dummies
By Mike Bryant, Peter Mabbutt
ISBN: 978-0-470-01930-6
Format: PDF
Pages: 328 Pages
Pub. Date: September 2006
An easy-to-follow, reassuring and responsible guide that shows how you
can use hypnotherapy to identify and overcome unhealthy modes of
thinking, deal with emotional issues, improve performance, and banish
bad habits. Whether you’re seeking to overcome anxiety or depression,
improve your performance professionally or personally, lose weight or
beat an addiction, hypnotherapy can help you make the changes you want. |
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| Author: admin | Yesterday, 21:44 | Hits: 27 |
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Imam Ibn Kathir | Language: English | Format: CHM | Volume 1-10 | 114 Chapters | Size: 8 MB
Tafsir of Ibn Kathir:
is the most renowned and accepted explanation of the Qur'an in the
entire world. In it one finds the best presentation of Ahadith,
history, and scholarly commentary.this program is a compilation of the
Abridged Tafsir Ibn Kathir Volume 1 - 10. The purpose of this program
is to compile the whole collection so that anyone can read and search
the wonderful Tasfir of Ibn Kathir easily and for free. Feel free to
share this with your friends, family, anyone! |
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| Author: admin | Yesterday, 21:43 | Hits: 14 |
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Imam Shamsu ed-Deen Dhahabi | Language: English | Format: PDF | Pages: 192 | Size: 2 MB
Major
sins are defined as what is forbidden by Allah and His Messenger in the
Qur'an and the Sunnah in addition to what is narrated on the authority
of early Muslims. Allah, the Most high, promises whoever avoids the
major sins to expiate his minor sins. Allah, the Almighty says, {If ye
(but) eschew the most heinous of the things which ye are forbidden to
do, we shall remit your evil deeds, and admit you to a gate of great
honour.}(An-Nisaa :31). |
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Muhammad The Greatest |
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| Author: admin | Yesterday, 21:42 | Hits: 18 |
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Ahmed Deedat | Language: English | Format: PDF | Pages: 87 | Size: 1 MB
Muhammad The Greatest: " And indeed, you are of a great moral character." (Quran, 68:4)
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Forty Encounters With The Beloved Prophet |
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| Author: admin | Yesterday, 21:39 | Hits: 11 |
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By Dr. Adel ibn ‘Ali al-Shiddy | Language: English | Format: PDF | Pages: 235 | Size:1 MB
Forty Encounters With The Beloved Prophet:
Prophet (blessings and peace be upon him). And although his companions
(may Allah be pleased with them) had the honour of meeting with him in
this world and partaking of his teaching, instruction and education,
Allah, out of His mercy and generosity, has facilitated for us also a
way to learn his biography, his Sunnah, his guidance and the features
of his personality, which was characterized by extensive mercy,
leniency, nobility, generosity and morality. |
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The Guidance Of Muhammad |
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| Author: admin | Yesterday, 21:38 | Hits: 6 |
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Dr. Ahmad bin Uthman al-Mazyad | Language: English | Format: PDF | Pages: 205 | Size: 1 MB
The Guidance Of Muhammad:
The blessing of Islam is among the greatest favours Allah blessed us
with. It is the religion of human nature and moderation, a
comprehensive and complete faith advocating knowledge and good morals,
suitable for people everywhere and at all times. It is a religion of
ease and mercy, which has solutions for every problem. How seriously we
need , at the present time in particular, to clarify the
characteristics and merits of this religion to the entire world and to
demonstrate the true and radiant embodiment of Islam. The guidance of
Muhammad (PBUH) is the practical application of this faith. It
consolidates all the characteristics that make Islam easy to embrace
and practice, for it includes all aspects of life, whether religious,
practical, ethical, material or spiritual. This book contains
selections from the scholarly work by Imam Ibn al-Qayyim,
"Zadul-Ma`ad", which is considered one of the best books describing the
guidance of the Prophet (PBUH). The aim is to focus on all aspects of
his life as an example to be followed. |
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The Search For The Truth |
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| Author: admin | Yesterday, 21:37 | Hits: 8 |
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Dr. Saleh as-Saleh | Language: English | Format: PDF | Pages: 33 | Size: 1.5 MB
The Search For The Truth:
Today, many people are curious about Islam, but their knowledge about
this faith may vary. Their knowledge may have been gained from an
article, a book, or part of a religious text book at high school they
may have read. They may have known some Muslims, passed by a Mosque,
watched a documentary or the evening news, or they might have traveled
to a Muslim country. To some, Islam is ‘just another religion’, but for
many others, it has become something ‘interesting’ to ‘look’ at.
I have written this book for
those who are searching within themselves for answers to the many
questions they have. “Who am I? Who is the True God? What is the true
road to salvation? Is it Islam? If I become a Muslim, what does it mean
to me, my family, and the society at large?” |
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